Exactly three years ago today, I entered into a significant season in life when I gave birth to our little one. Ever since, I have never looked at motherhood the same way. Motherhood is way more than words ever written or what I expected it to be. It is something that made me feel the kind of love I never knew there was. The LOVE that makes me say “so this must be how God loves me”. A love that is willing to sacrifice, to endure, or even be consumed for the sake of my little one.
Motherhood also gives me a tremendous sense of joy like no other. The simplest things in life make me smile, her scent, the stillness when she sleeps, her cute silly gestures,her mischievous acts, are just few of those things.
Similarly, motherhood also brings out the most undesirable feelings. As the late Mother Teresa puts it, “love, to be real, must hurt” holds true in Motherhood. It is as painful as it is joyful. Perhaps any mother can relate. Apart from the physical pain of giving birth, it pains me more to see her get sick or see her misbehave. Some days I would feel defeated as a mom, when I couldn’t make her eat, or put her to sleep, or make her behave the way she should be, or even when I lost my patience and I snapped at her. The ” mommy guilt” is killing me everytime I see her unhappy. There were times I just could not put to words how I feel and I just cried buckets for no reason. One minute I was over the moon and the next I was a lunatic. Talk about “hormotional” (emotional caused by hormones). Lakas daw makabaliw ang pagiging nanay, sabi ni Bianca Gonzales. I couldn’t agree more. I would often wonder How did my mom manage to raise the 7 of us? or How do single parents out there raise their kids by themselves? If not for my supportive husband that kept my sanity in place, I might have suffered post-partum deppression or bipolar syndrome, perhaps. Whenever I would almost lost it, my husband would often say to me ” it’s temporary”, “it will pass” ,’it’s just a phase’, “have faith”. And faith would save us any day. Our family is still so blessed with more than just material things but also the strength, the wisdom and the people we need each day.
Despite all the pains and aches of motherhood both physically and emotionally, Alyanna is all worth it. She’s the most valued possession we’ve ever had. Although she doesn’t easily warm up with other people and she often screams when you greet her (can’t blame her, she came from me:)) She is very affectionate to us. She is the happiest when she’s with mommy and daddy. She considers daddy her bestfriend ( I hope it stays that way). and she still “dede” with mommy when she misses me. She finds comfort in us, and I know that it won’t be long now, she will be out there ready to conquer the world as she will be going to school in September. We would have wanted to keep her under our wings forever, but we won’t coz it would stop her from learning how to fly. So I’m just gonna lift everything to God and cherish this moment and watch God’s plan unfold in her life.
So, to my palangga, my baby girl, my love, Happy 3rd birthday. You are God’s ultimate reward to us. You may be small but you occupy the biggest part of our life. (small but with a very loud voice like a Bermuda frog :). We will live each day making you feel loved so that when you grow up you will have enough love to give to others.
To my partner in making and raising Yanna, way to go dad! you are doing great.I’m positive that Yanna will grow up strong because you are her dad. Thank you for everything. You know so well I could have not done it without you. You can be a very strong contender if there’s a search for the most “handsome” dad (ahem) in the world. We’ve climbed mountains together and I’ve enjoyed every adventure we’ve had so far. With God in our midst and with you as my partner, I think I’m ready to have Yanna’s baby brother or sister anytime soon (wink).